Friday, August 14, 2015

Minimizing Pressure for Teens



Last month, Julie Scelfo published an article called Suicide on Campus and the Pressure of Perfection for the New York Times education section.  For those of us with teenagers who plan to go away to college, it’s scary enough letting your teen out into the world.  Hearing about the recent increase of college suicides is even scarier.  In the past 13 months, there were 6 suicides at the University of Pennsylvania and 4 at Tulane University.  Upon hearing this, I immediately wanted to know the risk factors and prevention strategies.  I was drawn to this article especially because it focused on one student, Kathryn Dewitt, who came close to committing suicide but was rescued and is now doing well.

The main focus of the article is the stress students experience due to parent expectations, their own expectations, and the feelings of incompetence from seeing other students effortlessly excel.  First it is important to recognize that teens who do not attend college are at a statistically higher risk for suicide than those who attend college.  However, there are several risk factors specific to college.  While depression and suicide are caused by a multitude of factors, parents can still do a lot to ease the stress load.  For example, for many students, college is more difficult than high school and it may be more difficult to achieve high grades.  Most students who have chosen to attend college want to be successful, so if they are struggling, they would benefit from help rather than criticism.  Most colleges have much in place to help struggling students, including free tutoring, mentors, and counselors.  In addition, instructors have office hours specifically to help students.  If your student is not taking advantage of these opportunities, you can urge him or her to do so.  You as a parent do not need to stress over grades.  Your teen is now officially an adult and needs to handle it.

Other stresses in college may be overloading with sports, activities, or jobs, or difficulty adjusting to campus life. According to Scelfo, many college students have perfected the look of walking around with the air that everything is terrific, but this is rarely the case.  In addition, social media often shows friends looking happy and successful.  “These cultural dynamics of perfectionism and overindulgence have now combined to create adolescents who are ultra-focused on success, but don’t know how to fail.”  Actually, everyone has some weaknesses and self doubts, and everyone fails sometimes.  Many of today’s successful CEO’s have failed businesses in their past.  The key is to be resilient and learn from mistakes. You as a parent can most benefit your young adult by being available to talk and listen, and stressing that you do not expect them to be perfect.

In addition to having parents available, it is important for students to have a support system at college – a network of friends and possibly an adult who they trust.  People with support systems are usually happier and more resilient than those without.  College students also need to support their friends.  If they notice a friend or acquaintance who seems very depressed, isolates himself, or talks of suicide, they should tell an adult who can intervene.

High school suicides are also notable, although they have decreased since their peak in the 1980’s. (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention) There were 13 suicides in Fairfax County in 2013.  According to one student’s farewell note, “There is too much stress in my life from school and the environment it creates, expectations for sports, expectations from my friends and expectations from my family …Goodbye.” (Washington Post 11/17/14)  Many teens, especially in the high pressured and competitive Washington, DC area, are overloaded with honors and AP courses in addition to sports and other commitments, leaving little down time and sleep time.  High school students also stress over social drama and social media drama.  It is important to talk to your teen about his or her mental health.  Find out if your child has too much stress and where it comes from.  Then you can work together to make adjustments, and see a professional if warranted.


Overachiever or not, stress is part of life and comes from many places.  All of us need to make the adjustments we need to relieve stress and enjoy life. For teenagers, signs of stress and thoughts of suicide are not always evident.  As parents, we can maintain an open dialog with our children and ask them if everything is OK.  We only want them to lead happy and productive lives.  They do not need to be over-achievers.

Friday, August 7, 2015

Preparing for the School Year


It’s time once again to start thinking about back-to-school plans. At Tutoring For Success, we’re aware that there’s still plenty of time left to swim, take a trip, hang out with friends, and just relax, but it is possible to continue enjoying summer vacation while preparing for the new school year. Here are just a few tips on how to get started:
  • There are a ton of back-to-school items out there that stores will market as “must-haves,” but not all students will require the same supplies. Sometimes teachers will be specific about what will be needed in the classroom, while others might leave it up to the student to decide what works best for him. There are, of course, always essentials like writing implements, loose-leaf paper, assignment books, etc, that need to be purchased,  but hold off on that expensive graphing calculator or those color-coded dividers until you know for sure that your student will indeed be using them.
  • Back to school shopping doesn’t have to be all business! Allow your child to select a new backpack or lunchbox – something she likes, that will help her get excited for the school year. New clothes and shoes can also serve this purpose.
  • Talk with your children and figure out which organizational systems work best for them. Do they prefer one big binder with dividers for each subject? Maybe smaller binders, or even individual pocket folders are easier for them to keep track of and will therefore prevent missing papers. A large desk calendar for writing down due dates, class schedules, and other appointments can do wonders for students who have trouble with time management.  Some students prefer to use an app. If you know that you child needs extra help with organization, work on establishing a system right at the beginning of the school year.
  • There are still a few weeks of summer vacation left, and you might have at least one more trip planned. Encourage your student to bring a book to read while making the long drive to Grandma’s, or suggest that he keep a journal about his visit to the Grand Canyon. Both of these activities are fun, low-key ways to sharpen vocabulary skills and prevent learning loss through the end of the summer.
  • It is common for schools to assign homework over the summer. Depending on your child’s grade level, she might be required to complete a reading list, write a book report, or do a math packet. In order to avoid a last-minute panic session over Labor Day weekend, it’s probably a good idea for students to get started on any assignments now, and complete them little by little over the next few weeks. This will not only keep their minds sharp, but help them to get back into the right mindset when approaching assignments.
  • If your child consistently struggles with organization and just can’t seem to get his act together, it might be time to bring in a professional. Academic  coaches can help students learn how to organize materials and properly manage their time, two common issues that often stand in the way of otherwise bright kids getting good grades. A tutor or coach can also work with your child to help brush up on the basics of English and Math, making the transition from vacation to school that much easier.